That Fatal Kiss is HERE!

OK, well, not right here, but, you know,
available for sale on the following sites:

E-Books

Amazon.com (for Kindle)

Barnes and Noble (for Nook)

Smashwords
(for most other e-readers,
including those by Apple, Sony, and Kobo)

Print Version Coming Soon!

For a chance to win a free e-copy, simply enter a comment, below*.
Three winners will be chosen at random.

*Edited to add: comments left up to/including Sunday, September 29, will be entered in the drawing. Winners will be announced the following week.

And just in case you need a reminder of what the story's all about:

Feared by mortals for his inexorable power, and loathed by his fellow Greek gods for the same, Hades rules the Underworld alone.  A stark eternity looms before him until he discovers Persephone. Struck by the youthful goddess’ beauty, kindness, and spirit, he must have her. But Hades believes Persephone could never love him, and so he conspires with his powerful brother, Zeus, to take her by force.

Persephone too seeks a mate but her possessive mother, the goddess Demeter, frustrates her husband hunting. Then Hades abducts Persephone, tearing her away from the Upperworld she loves to reign with him in the dank depths below. Though outraged, Persephone cannot deny the desire ignited within her by the dark lord’s touch. And even as she hopes that Demeter will unearth her, Persephone aches to surrender to the heat in Hades’ immortal soul.

And don't forget to visit all the stops along my blog tour this week!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Defending the Pen (Yolanda Renée)

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Daily (w)rite (Damyanti)

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Melissa's Imaginarium (Melissa Bradley)

Friday, September 27, 2013

Mina Burrows

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Word + Stuff (Trisha F)

24 Hours Till Release Day!

Don't...don't you want me?

And so the countdown begins. Tomorrow, I unleash my debut novel upon the world.

Can you say butterflies in the stomach? 'Cause I sure can.

To lend me their support, these ginchy blogging gals are hosting my That Fatal Kiss blog tour, as follows:

Monday, September 23, 2013
Defending the Pen (Yolanda Renée)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Word + Stuff (Trisha F)

Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Daily (w)rite (Damyanti)

Thursday, September 26, 2013
Melissa's Imaginarium (Melissa Bradley)

Friday, September 27, 2013
Mina Burrows

Please visit these groovy gurls on their respective hosting days, and be sure to come back to my blog TOMORROW for my release day giveaway!

Streaming Consciousness: Odds & Ends

But mostly odds, because I am. Odd, that is.

C'mon, now, you knew that about me already.

...so, like, I haven't had a cigarette since about 4:35pm, Monday, August 19, 2013. Prior to that, I'd smoked for about 26 years. On the bright side, the antidepressant I'm on is also prescribed, in lower doses, for help with smoking cessation. On the dark side (my favorite), there have been moments when I feel I shoulda been strapped up like my good friend Monty Burns, over to the right. And not just for the kink factor, either. Anyway, I've already seen some good results (food tastes better, Yay!) and some bad (I've been carb-craving like a MoFo, Booo!). I didn't say anything about this sooner 'cause whenever I try to do something like this and blab about it, I always crap out. But so far, so good...

...took The Kid back up to skewl for his second year of college. Dang. Second year of college. Wow. I mentioned a few months ago that I'm mostly over Empty Nest Syndrome. It should be noted, though, that the remnants of ENS manifest as a desperate need to feed people, along with me tossing out stuff like, "You're not going out in this weather without a coat?!" Which everybody loves...

...I've set my release date my debut fantasy romance novel, That Fatal Kiss, for

TUESDAY,

SEPTEMBER 24, 2013

W00T, W00T, W0000000000T! 

The e-book, anyway. I want to have a paperback available for folks who don't cotton to books in digital, but that may be somewhat delayed. (The best laid plans of mice and men...)

Meanwhile, if you'd like to read a sexy excerpt from That Fatal Kiss, click here. Or check out this interview of my heroine, Persephone, and hero, Hades, the Lady and Lord of the ancient Greek Underworld.

Stop by on release day and enter a comment for your chance to win a free copy of the e-book! And don't forget to spread the word!

Cover Reveal ~ That Fatal Kiss by ME!!!

I've long held a passion for Greek mythology, y'all. The story of the goddess Persephone's marriage-by-kidnap to Hades, Lord of the Underworld, has particularly fascinated me, and thus came about my debut novel, That Fatal Kiss. Coming September 2013, the revisionist tale features a fiery and noble heroine, a handsome and broody hero, and some heated, earth-shakin' lovin'!

Given my neurotic nature, it took cover artist Steven Novak and me a few go-arounds before settling on the cover design for That Fatal Kiss. It had to be curiously compelling, slightly spooky, and yet super sexy—and so it is!

The Book:

Feared by mortals for his inexorable power, and loathed by his fellow Greek gods for the same, Hades rules the Underworld alone. A stark eternity looms before him until he discovers Persephone. Struck by the youthful goddess’ beauty, kindness, and spirit, he must have her. But Hades believes Persephone could never love him, and so he conspires with his powerful brother, Zeus, to take her by force.

Persephone too seeks a mate but her possessive mother, the goddess Demeter, frustrates her husband hunting. Then Hades abducts Persephone, tearing her away from the Upperworld she loves to reign with him in the dank depths below. Though outraged, Persephone cannot deny the desire ignited within her by the dark lord’s touch. And even as she hopes that Demeter will unearth her, Persephone aches to surrender to the heat in Hades’ immortal soul.

The Teaser:

“Enough,” Hades said, closing the distance between them. “I have taken you with your father’s consent, as custom allows. You are in my kingdom, under my rule, and if you have any care for your continued well-being, you will get into my bed. Now.” And with the removal of the pins that held together the black cloth about his waist, he stood naked before her.

The anger warming Persephone clashed with another fire that roared to life within her. She choked on a breath and turned her face from him. “Be warned; I will resist you with the full force of my being, through violent means, if necessary.”

His large, unyielding hands encircled the soft flesh of her upper arms as he said, “If you must. Though your surrender to me would prove more satisfying to us both.”

If any of this intrigues, please keep abreast of updates regarding That Fatal Kiss, as well as the development of any new neuroses, by stalking me at my usual haunts:

Blog: Some Dark Romantic
On Facebook: GothMomLite
On the Twitter: @GothMomLite
And GothMomLite Will Tumblr For Ya as well

And, if the spirit moves you, please do spread the word by clicking on the icons of your social media of choice, below.

*       *       *

With hearty THANKS to all the bloggers who've joined me in this cover reveal!

Allyson Lindt
Ari Michaels
Christine Rains
Damyanti Biswas
Danielle Bertrand
Elise Fallson
Heather Gardner
Jackie Felger
Covergirls
Jessica Topper
Juliette Smith
Melissa Bradley
Mina Burrows
Penelope Crowe
Rocky Hatley
Samantha Redstreake Geary
Shannon Lawrence
Sofia Grey
Tina Downey and A to Z
Tonja Reynolds
Trisha Farnan
Yolanda Renee

Dark Romance #9 ~ Allyson Lindt's Holding Her Close

A few months ago, I wrote about my friend Allyson's debut contemporary romance novel, Conflict of Interest. Today, I want to tell you about the next book in her "Bits and Bytes" series, Holding Her Close, which is actually a prequel. (I heart me a good prequel, y'all.)

In Conflict of Interest, we met Scott and Zach, co-owners of a lucrative software/gaming development company, and followed Scott's romance with the gal hired to groom him so he could make nice with the investors/world. In Holding Her Close, we travel back to a darker time, when the lads' first company was subject to a hostile takeover, and their futures looked bleak.

Zach, a long-haired blond dude (I heart me a man with floppy locks, y'all), is haunted by the fact that their company wouldn't be in such dire straits if his former girlfriend hadn't pulled out from investing (and very publicly rejected his marriage proposal). (Le ouch.) Worse, a previous, more important ex-girlfriend, Rae, feeds Scott's hopes that they can restore their company to its former glory—something Zach knows to be impossible. Still, Zach appreciates that, after ten years of not being on speaking terms with Rae, they can now interact without one or both of them freaking out. (More or less.)

Rae's good with numbers (I heart me a chick who rocks the maths, y'all, 'cause I couldn't do the kinds of calculations this gal does for a living to save my life). And Rae believes she can help the fellas come back from defeat, only it's gonna take a lot for her to convince Zach of that fact. The Zach she dumped when they were in high school. The Zach she never stopped wanting. And, from the looks of things, Zach isn't quite off the emotional hook either. He proposes they do the thing they didn't the first time around—have sex. You know, just to get it out of their systems. For closure. (Man, if I only had a nickel for every time a man proposed sex for closure...) (Well, OK, I wouldn't even have a nickel.)

The dark romance of it all: First, I'm always fascinated by folks who can stay friends with their exes—I've not managed it and, frankly, I don't see the point (unless y'all have kids together or something). Second, it intrigues me when folks who've split decide to get jiggy with one another later on down the line. Who doesn't know that's a supremely bad idea? (More often than not, I'd wager.) Zach and Rae have so much baggage from their breakup, they'd be hit with extra checked baggage fees from pretty much every major airline in the U.S. Each suffers from monumental anger and hurt from what went down all those years ago, and yet it's this woundedness which drives them to seek sexual healing from one another. Of course, it'd have been better for them to heal their wounds before getting intimate...or perhaps it's the complete vulnerability of love-making which opens them up to healing. Why does coming to grips with past heartache often seem to require the complete stripping of the self and renewed suffering, until we're made new? (Hah, I may as well inquire of the moon why she revolves around the Earth.)

I enjoyed Holding Her Close; it engrossed me straightaway and didn't seem too inclined to let me get to bed at a reasonable hour. (I started reading on my morning commute, gritted my teeth in frustration when I had to stop to work, then picked it up again on my commute back home and for the rest of the night. I was over 60% done with it by the time I finally got to bed.) The writing is crisply contemporary and I found myself relating to Rae, and liking her, quite a lot. Zach was a bit more glib than I generally like in a romance hero, though I appreciate that he keeps things at a superficial level in self-defense, at some cost to his own peace of mind. Seeing them reconnect and process their past was a pleasure, as were their love-scenes (which, I have to tell you, really grabbed my attention in ways that other writers' love-scenes don't always manage to). (They were hawt, y'all, is what I'm sayin'.)

I feel like I'd have liked to follow Rae as she dug up some very pertinent information regarding the hostile takeover (I even think it'd have been fun to see her and Zach team up, Scooby Doo style, to uncover these mysteries, and would've provided more dramatic opportunities for them to re-bond). But that's a minor point, as I found the story engaging, came to care a great deal about the main characters, and really wanted them to enjoy a "happily ever after."

All in all, Holding Her Close was a lot of fun and I'd recommend it for anyone into gaming, young professionals, and lovers of romance of all ages.

Dark Romance #8 ~ Allyson Lindt's "Conflict of Interest"

Fellow writer/blogger Allyson Lindt recently released her contemporary romance Conflict of Interest and put an interesting spin on the standard blog tour idea to promote it. Rather than guest posting about her book on other bloggers' sites, she offered to do a reverse blog tour, in which other writers might pimp their books on her site during the month of May. I have to say, this is a spectacularly lovely way to promote both her work and others', one which I have taken advantage of (but more on that next week). Anyway, the blurb and excerpt on her site for Conflict of Interest piqued my interest, so I asked if I could check it out in advance so I could tell all y'all about it.

Leading lady Kenzie is a smart, professional PR gal who, as successful a career-woman as she is, still can't help getting wound up by an unflattering assessment of herself made by her twin sister, Riley. According to the sis, Kenzie's a frigid miss who wouldn't know passion if it bit her right on her classy ass. Suitably perturbed, Kenzie stalks off to her fave coffee place in full-on, "I'll show her" mode and, when she arrives, spontaneously decides to pick up cute-dude-in-torn-up-jeans, whom she's been eyeballing for a while, now. Naturally, hijinks ensue. I find Kenzie incredibly endearing as she struggles to overcome her natural reticence by coming on to a stranger. (I find the stranger endearing for other reasons, which would possibly melt my keyboard to go into right now.)

Ahem.

Turns out, Scott's a high-powered gamer and software developer/owns his own company/used to chicks going after him for his ducats kinda guy. Because Kenzie's so different from everybody else who wants a piece of him, Scott finds this clearly out-of-her-element beauteous blonde intriguing. They enjoy some hot moments in his "love van" but must part ways. Here's the thing about Scott, though—he's been pissing off one of the Suits investing in his company with his "bad-boy/no verbal filter" ways and now all the investors want him to subject himself to grooming so they can rake in more money. Uh, I mean, so his image can be a credit to the company.

So guess who's hired to groom him?

Kenzie's determined to keep their relationship professional. (Sorta.) Scott's determined not to. (Totally.)

The dark romance of it all: I told Allyson early on in my reading that I found myself smiling through the first few chapters because Scott and Kenzie are so much fun when they first connect, and they really are. On the surface, it's a very fun, modern, sexy romance between two career-oriented folks. But the darkness I see lying beneath points to very deep hangups, on the part of both parties. Kenzie and Scott are both forthright folks when it comes to work, but they bury the reality of their feelings for one another under smart-ass remarks or corporate masks. Deeply vulnerable in different ways, they hide their growing feelings due to very old-fashioned fears which I'm sure we've all known: the fear of exposure, of rejection, of humiliation and eventual heartache. It's so fascinating to me how modern dating, in which girls routinely ask guys out, dudes'll tie on an apron to cook for their gals, and everyone's got loads of condoms at the ready, just in case, we can all still be so terrified about telling someone, "Hey, I really like-you, like-you." It's almost scarier than going to the dentist, right?

Anyway, I did really enjoy seeing Kenzie realize that, actually, it's very natural to her to be a temptress. And Scott...well, W00F, OK? Just W00F.

You can click here for a sneak peek at Conflict of Interest, which is available for purchase at Amazon, Kobo, and Liquid Silver Books.

Dark Romance ~ Love, Actually

::OBLIGATORY SPOILER ALERT: DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE, BUT PLAN TO. OK??? SHEESH...::

There, my duty's done. If you read on, don't bitch at me about the spoilers.

I know, I know—Love, Actually is such a fun flick that the words "dark romance" don't exactly leap to mind when you think about it. But beneath the smiles and hugs lies gloom, in rather a few of the tales told by this freakin' fantastic ensemble. Today, I'll examine three of them. (DISCLAIMER: I adore this movie. That doesn't mean I don't see the darkness in it, or that I can't have any problems with how some stuff went down.)

The dark romance of:

Sam (played by Thomas Brodie-Sangster) ~ Sam and his stepfather Daniel have lost the woman who brought them together, Joanna (who was mother to the former and wife to the latter). I choked up with every scene of theirs, maybe 'cause I'm a mother and I can't bear the idea of a child losing his mom. Anyway, poor Joanna passes away and her fellas have to carry on, somehow. Daniel's clearly deeply affected by his loss. Sam seems to be equally so, so much that Daniel begins to worry. Thinking the boy's in really bad shape, Daniel confronts him, only to discover that, yeah, Sam misses his mum, but it's a new gal who's got him all down about life. OK, I understand; he's a kid and he needs some comfort and this chickie-poo is really cute. I geddit. But it's kind of cold, in my opinion, that it's his as-yet-unrequited-interest in a girl that's got him being all antisocial and depressed and whatnot. I mean, sure, I think it's adorbz when Sam utters that famous line, "Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love." I heart that line. I want him to get the girl, for shizzle. I just think they should've showed us more of his mourning for his mum. Anyway, as has been said, there's no cure for an old love like a new love. That's a bit harsh, but it's Christmas, and at Christmas, you tell the truth. Which brings me to the dark romance of...

Mark (played by Andrew Lincoln) ~ You may best know him as Rick, the noble leader of a group of zombie apocalypse survivors in AMC series, The Walking Dead. But in Love, Actually, his character was hopelessly in love with his BFF's new bride. He plays things like he just doesn't care for her as a person, but the viewer kinda knows there's something behind his behavior which points to the very opposite. Then the bride, Juliet, discovers his secret tendre for her and buggers off, all upset and shocked-like. What follows that is the super-sweet declaration of love Mark makes to her via placards, acknowledging only what his feelings have been and without any expectation of reciprocation. Bless him. That was incredibly brave of him, and perhaps, having unburdened himself, he can rest easy, even though nothing comes of it. Of course, burdens don't just disappear. Who's carrying it now, if not Juliet? What we don't get to see is how she lives with this knowledge, after her initial response of a chaste kiss to Mark's cheek. How are things between the three of them afterward? Does Mark stop aching for love of her? Can she simply forget what he's divulged? Does she feel any sort of guilt or responsibility for his feelings for her? Is there, perhaps, some reason unknown to the viewer why she should? Does she ever tell her husband, Peter, what went down? Folks, it is my feeling that, sometimes, Love keeps shit to itself, for the sake of the loved one(s), you know? And finally, what (to me) is one of the darkest romances of the bunch...

Harry (played by Alan Rickman) ~ Oh, Harry. What were ya thinkin', ya goofball? So, Harry's a Big Boss and a married man with kids, all of whom he loves. Then his new, skanky secretary messes with him, coming onto him and hinting very heavily about what she wants from him for Christmas. (And it ain't cookies 'n' milk, neither.) I think Harry's sort of swayed by her interest in him, not so much pursuing as being pursued.  But it seems he's beginning to return her interest when he goes to buy her a pretty bauble (the wrapping of which was a charmingly funny scene, brilliantly executed by one of my faves, Mr. Bean. Uh, I mean, Rowan Atkinson.) Unfortunately, Harry's missus, who's had an uneasy feeling about him, busts him and it all goes to hell. As far as we know, Harry never even slept with the skanky secretary, but the damage to his marriage has been done. Now, whomever authored the Wikipedia page for this movie says that, during the epilogue scene, when folks coming off a plane are being greeted by their loved ones, Harry and wife Karen reunite in such a way as to suggest they've gotten over their "relationship crisis." I say that whomever wrote that must've been high. Their intimacy sacrificed on the altar of lust, a deep freeze separates them. Karen can barely look at Harry and, from Harry's expression, he's well aware that he really screwed the pooch (without even having actually screwed her). And it's not just Karen whom he's hurt, but also his children, as there's no way in hell they can't pick up the weirdness between their parents. I'd love to know whether Harry and Karen were ever able to heal the wound in their marriage. I hope so.

What do y'all think? Was Sam maybe just a wee bit too ready to move on? Should Mark have kept his yap shut? Did Harry and Karen sort things out? Inquiring minds, etc., etc.

Dark Romance #7 ~ "Be With You" by The Jack Rubies

Image info below.

I dunno what I was reading online the other day, but as my eyes took in the words, "...hung, drawn, and quartered," the gears of my brain cranked to life. That'd tickled the memory of some long-forgotten song, one I could have heard only on my most beloved alternative radio station, WLIR (the station that dared to be different!). And in a rush it all came back to me—those words were used in the opening line of Be With You by The Jack Rubies, back in 1987.

I immediately scrambled to the Interwebs to see what I could dig up but, apart from a fan-made video with unpleasantly distorted audio, a fan-made vid with better audio but cut short just after a couple of minutes, and this myspace page which I think must also be fan-made, I got bupkis. There's no official band Web site or page and, alas, it seems the poor lads have faded into obscurity, though the warm words of fellow fans of the tune, devilhoppin and Dan Seeger, and this hater's backhanded praise, have given them some little presence online.

Apparently taking their name from the guy who murdered the assassin of JFK, the British band (::swoons::), led by chocolatey-voiced (woof) singer Ian Wright, melted my heart with Be With You, back in the day. Check out the lyrics:

To be hung, drawn, and quartered
would be uncomfortable and awkward
but a fate I would endure to be with you.

You see, my idea of torture
is not a beating of the harshest order,
but the day when I'll no longer be with you.

And I hope the hour never comes
when you leave the table and I pick up the crumbs.
And I hope I never see the day
when you leave the table and I put your plate away.

To be drowned in murky water
would, of course, make my life shorter
but I would gladly sink below to be with you.

And then it just basically lathers, rinses, and repeats.

The dark romance of it all:

1. Yes, those lyrics are melodramatic (and, to me, adorably goofy), but being hung, drawn, and quartered ain't no walk in the park, y'all. And I'm damned if I don't want the right fella to feel this way about me.*
2. Did I mention the velvety vocal stylings of Ian Wright? (OK, from time to time he dances around the melodic line like it's got the cooties, but still...) ::shudders with dark delight::
3. The band's British—that automatically makes them sexaaaaay. (Don't question me on this; just learn it, live it, and love it!)
4. Hearing Be With You again inspired a dramatic, dark, and romantic series of "scenes" for one of my WIPs, currently titled There Are Monsters.
5. This groovalicious tune took me back to the "me" who spiked her hair, spritzed Poison on her wrists, and dreamed of a future in which she made magic. Given my recent batches of crises, this was a much-needed reminder.

*Even though I'm romantic enough to want to reclaim my long-shelved dreams, I'm pragmatic enough to understand that folks aren't guaranteed soul-mates. I don't believe I've been called by God/fate/the Universe to experience a true, enduring, passionate romantic love, which makes it all the more imperative for me to get on with realizing my creative visions, wouldn't y'all agree?

Because the video I'd found on YouTube had such badly distorted sound, I decided to buy a used copy of the CD (which is out of print, le suck) and see if I could make my own vid (a first for me!). Unfortunately, the audio on the CD, for this song at least, is also distorted. It sounds perhaps marginally better than the one on the 'Tube, so I'm uploading it here. Raspy audio notwithstanding, hope you can enjoy the jangly goodness as much as I do:

Image info: Eternal Spring by Rodin, chillin' at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, pic inexpertly snapped by me.

Dark Romance #6 ~ Karen Harbaugh's "The Vampire Viscount"

***THAR BE SPOILERS BELOW!!!***

I've been on a Regency romance kick of late. Been reading some Heyer, some Austen, been catching the brilliant Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle "Pride and Prejudice" mini-series on telly, that kinda thing. For my next read, I wanted to stay in this era but wanted something with a twist - and that's when The Vampire Viscount by Karen Harbaugh came to mind.

I'm pretty sure I first learned about The Vampire Viscount from Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels by Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan. (Beyond Heaving Bosoms is a hilariously fun read with the additional benefit of providing a boisterous trip through romance novel history.) But back to the Viscount - the book was published in 1995, the year my Kid was born, so I reckon I was a bit busy and that's why I missed it back then. PS: the title of Viscount in British nobility is a rank somewhere in the middle of the range from Knight to Duke and is pronounced VEYE-count, in case you were wondering.

Right, so; Nicholas, the Viscount St. Vire, as the titular vampire, has been around a while and he's worried. Vamps who go on, er, vamping for too long go a bit mad. OK, they go crazy insane, a fate Nicholas desires to avoid. He studies various magical arts and comes across a spell which could potentially reverse his unfortunate condition. However, the spell requires a virgin (natch). Luckily, virgins are plentiful in Regency England (I suspect he'd be hard pressed to find one in the 21st century, though they magically do seem to turn up on a regular basis in romance novels). All he has to do is marry one, take her—ahem—maidenhead, and keep her with him for a year to become human again.

As easy as a walk through Hyde Park, right?

Well, the thing is, the maidenhead-taking has to be timed just so and Nicholas has to find his bride quickly. So he wins her in a game of cards (like you do). But he sets out to charm his prize, the fair Leonore, as his bride must willingly give herself to him for the spell to work. So she agrees to marry him and thus settle her alcoholic and abusive father's debt and proceeds to spend their two-month engagement period attempting to resist Nicholas' appeal and failing. She attributes his extreme pallor and refusal to go out during the day to illness and comes to believe he'll die at the end of a year, which torments her as she falls deeper and deeper in love with him.

As time goes by, Nicholas does find that marriage to Leonore is slowly but surely restoring him to his former self, which is le awesome, only a dangerous blast from the past turns up to mar his happiness. Mercia, the she-devil who turned him into a vampire in the first place, arrives in London, and guess what? She wants him back. This forces the Viscount to dance attendance upon her to keep Leonore safe from his sire's deadly clutches, which does not go unnoticed by his wife (or all of London society, either). Can Nicholas keep his love long enough to effect his cure? You're gonna have to read the book to find out, y'all, 'cause I ain't tellin'.

The dark romance of it all: It's hard not to fall in love with Nicholas, as he's charming and attentive, clever and caring, and treats Leonore (and her family) far better than her dastardly father ever did. And Harbaugh turns some delightfully romantic phrases, and ideas, in the book, which only add to the allure of loving the Viscount. (OK, and the sexy bits are le woof!) But Nicholas is essentially using his wife, which was tricky to get past because he's deceiving her. In my study of Frank Langella's Dracula, I support Lucy's choice to throw in her lot with the vampire because she's savvy to what's going on. Granted, Leonore does agree to marry Nicholas, but it's only toward the end of the story that she realizes what he really is and why he was so desperate to have her. This casts a bit of a pall over the tale for me, but not enough to kill the buzz I developed for it. I'm just sayin'.

The Vampire Viscount is relatively light on the vampiness but heavy on the romance and an enjoyable mash-up of the two genres. I'm glad I was able to get my hands on it!

Dark Romance #5 ~ Christopher Moore's "Sacré Bleu"

Sacré Bleu et moi.

Y'all, in this brief study of dark romance I will shamelessly pimp the recent release of one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore. Because I really think you should all pick up this New York Times Best Seller (#3!) tout de suite, this will be the first study I'll post sans spoilers (which pains me like you'd not believe, but damn it - it's for art!).

Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d'Art  is about the color blue. And Impressionism/Post-Impressionism. And lots of shagging.

There, I bet that last part got your attention. (It always gets mine.)

Specifically, it's a bit of whimsically comical weirdness which follows young baker/painter Lucien Lessard and his BFF Henri Toulouse-Lautrec as they bumble about late 19th century Paris in search of answers to various questions: did their buddy, Vincent van Gogh, really kill himself? Why did the love of Lucien's life disappear and then reappear, seemingly out of the blue (if you'll pardon the pun)? Why are so many other artists dying of "locomotor ataxia" (a 19th C. doctor's euphemism for syphilis)? And what's up with the mysterious (and creepily annoying) Colorman, who keeps pushing them to buy his ultramarine paint?

Well, I promised to avoid spoiler-land, so I'm damned if I'll tell you - you'll just have to buy this kooky exploration of art, love, inspiration, and madness to find out. (Click here to read the first few chapters.)

The dark romance of it all: for Lucien and his beloved Juliette to enjoy a happily-ever-after, they have to do some bad, bad things...like, the things which led to all of the mysteries Lucien sought to uncover in the first place. And that's the rub in this terrific tale - Moore writes so richly of Lucien's boyhood and quirky family life, of his aspirations and passions, that I desperately want things to end well for Lucien. Only, the price which must be paid for his happiness is steep. By the time I finished the book I found myself wondering if I would be able to resist sacrificing my principles for love. And shagging. (It's the shagging that really shakes my conviction.) (Oh, right; like it doesn't shake yours.)

Monsieur Moore, Barnes & Noble Union Square, April 18, 2012.

If you ever get the chance, get yourself to one of Chris' book-signings - you can't call it a reading, 'cause Author Guy don't read. Instead, he treats his fans to a bit of literary/pop-culturey stand-up and sometimes talks about the book he's just published. I'd also suggest you follow him on the Twitter (@TheAuthorGuy). But be warned - his tweets'll have you snorting cafe au lait out your nose on a regular basis, so invest in tissues.

Dark Romance #4 ~ The Legend of Old Gregg

You'll find SPOILERS below, so if you haven't seen this thing, but intend to, you may want to give this blog post a miss (though I do link some wee snippets of the episode below, if you're interested in checking it out).

The Legend of Old Gregg is an episode from the second series (season) of the British comedy show The Mighty Boosh. I first became aware of the Boosh on a Jet Blue flight from, I think, Texas to California - thank God for those little tellies on the seat backs! It was featured on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim and I'm oh, so glad I tuned into that. The one episode I saw stirred me up enough to buy the Boosh box set on Amazon, for a really sweet price, and I haven't regretted the impulse buy for a moment.

The two Boosh, if you will, are Howard Moon and Vince Noir. Moon, a painfully uncool wanna-be hepcat, plays comic straight man to Noir's super cool, "King of the Mods" wide-eyed simpleton. (I'm over-simplifying, of course - Noir's a canny character but can come off as a bit goofy, now and again.) The show follows their escapades into some often sublimely surreal environments, and The Legend of Old Gregg is one of my favorites.

In it, Moon and Noir flee London after a spectacularly unsuccessful music gig (largely because their disgruntled audience threatens to visit violence upon them). They travel to the village of Black Lake and arrive at a pub (which is as good a place as any to recapture your "edge," I suppose). While there, they're advised to go fishing on the lake in order to sort of clear their heads and reconnect to their creative muses. They do so but when Noir proves to be a more successful fisherman than Moon, Moon sends him away in a fit of pique. Back at the pub, Noir shocks the locals by detailing where he's been and, too late, learns of the dangers of the lake on a full moon night.

Moon discovers the danger for himself when he gets his first bite of the night - Old Gregg. How, in the name of all that's holy, to describe Old Gregg? He/she/it is a humanoid monster with seaweed hair, a sort-of mustache, and a "downstairs mix-up" frequently referred to as its "man-gina." He alternates between stereotypical gender roles, first aggressively male, then submissively female - mostly, he comes off like a scale-covered dude who also wears a tutu and, later, a wedding gown, so pinning a sex on Old Gregg is a bit tricky. Oh, and he paints watercolors (naturally) and likes a glass of Baileys (for which I can't say I blame him - yum!) Anyway, Old Gregg develops a crush on Moon and whisks him away to his underwater cave/cocktail bar/quasi-disco. Moon's hardly up for a seduction but, when Old Gregg's attraction seems it will take a turn for the fatal, plays along in the hopes of escaping. This he eventually does, with a little help from Noir and their friends - however, unbeknownst to them, though the tide is high, Old Gregg's holding on.

The dark romance of it all: When Moon does his about-face and invites Old Gregg's advances, he explains his reversal by saying that, sometimes, when people begin to have romantic feelings for others, they hide them by playing games. "Love games?" Old Gregg asks, which launches them into a funny, freaky, and funky duet. Really, it's the music in this episode that enamors me, as well as pathetically lonely Old Gregg's single-minded (and, admittedly, homicidal) determination to win Moon's love.

You can find the entire episode in snippets on YouTube, though, if you dig bizarre British humor as much as I do, I strongly recommend you buy the DVD, at least series two, if not the box set. (Hey, you can even watch just this episode on Amazon's Instant Video for only $1.99!) Too, you can check out more clips on Adult Swim's Web site, if you wanna try before you buy. These fellers got the sea funk - don't you wanna get it too? I think you do.

Dark Romance #3 ~ Tim Burton's "Sleepy Hollow"

(Obligatory spoiler warning - if you've not seen the film or read the original short story, but intend to, move on to some other blog 'cause THAR BE SPOILERS! Also, one of the items linked below leads to a profanity-laced tribute to the Headless Horseman, so approach with caution if you don't approve of that kinda stuff.)

When Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow was released in 1999 (with the punchy, if predictable, tagline, "Heads will roll!"), I fell for its gorgeous gruesomeness, hard. It's become a favorite and serves as today's study of dark romance.

First, the kvetching: the film only loosely follows the tale laid out by Washington Irving. But then, according to Peter Miller (writer of the "Afterword" in the Signet Classic edition of Irving's The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon, Gent.), Irving's "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" ripped off German folklore, generally, and Gottfried Burger's "Der wilde Jäger," in particular (Afterword, p. 377). Well, whatevs - Miller doesn't think Irving's contemporaries would've cared and nor do I - it's a ripping good yarn, if you'll pardon the imagery.

Anyway, in Sleepy Hollow we've got Irving's basic cast of characters (Ichabod Crane, Baltus and Katrina Van Tassel, "Brom Bones," Gunpowder the Horse, and, of course, the Headless Horseman - who, it must be noted, was probably not the genuine article in the short story). Burton diverges from Irving's story in several ways: Crane, rather than being a geekazoid schoolmaster from Connecticut, is a (hawt) young constable from New York city (which puts me in mind of the role that helped propel the actor who portrays him, Johnny Depp, into stardom - that of Officer Tom Hanson in TV series "21 Jump Street"); there's a whole cast of named characters who've got sordid shenanigans coming out the wazoo; and, getting back to Crane, a "father-wounding" theme that recurs in Burton's work (in, for example, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or, inadvertently and without malice, Edward Scissorhands). While I'm compelled to make a little bit of noise about these deviations, I'm not too fussed about 'em, I just want to make the point for folks who've not read Irving's story (which I've linked above, so quit slacking and get to it, already).

In Irving's story, the main action revolves around the rivalry of Crane and Bones for the hand of the nubile Katrina, as well as Crane's ill-fated ride home from a country dinner one dark and lonesome night. In Burton's film, we've got the murders of four to five* denizens of the titular village which bring Crane, with his kookily newfangled and untried instruments, in to investigate. The romantic rivalry exists but is done away with by the intervention of the devilish Horseman (poor hunky Casper Van Dien!), leaving us with a horror-whodunnit and wondering if Crane will get the girl before the Horseman gets his head.

The dark romance of it all: Oh, where to begin?! First, Depp is adorable as the intrepid yet simultaneously cowardly Crane. He's determined to solve the case by means of science and cool reasoning, but frequently freaks out - to great comic effect - when the occult proves to be the source of all the mystery. Then there's the lush setting, costumes (I would consider committing criminal acts to possess one of Katrina's gowns), and set design, and a hushed, misty landscape which becomes a character in its own right. (And I won't even complain - much - about it being mostly filmed in England, rather than the place in which it's set.)  The cinematography is so beautifully effective that one can almost feel the autumnal chill, the toasty warmth of the hearth fires, even smell the gamey scents of a late 18th century village (did they really not think to pen up their sheep at night?), and shiver from the ominous gloom-painted skies above. But what I love the most about this film is (and you'll hardly be surprised to learn it) the Horseman. That strapping (if headless) physique - woof. His inexorable approach, heralded by the thrilling thunder of hoofbeats - woof. The scrape of steel when he unsheathes his spectral sword and gives it a masterful twirl as he sights his prey - woof! Every time he ventured forth like some "night headhunter looking for some head," my heart throbbed. OK, there's that one scene where he murders a family in their home that I can never bear to sit through (especially the bit with the little boy hiding beneath the floorboards, to no avail, alas - gah!). Apart from that, the ghostly avenger is hot, hot, hot - and never hotter than when he pitilessly turns the tables on the one who'd enslaved him.

*I say "four to five " because there were "five victims in four coffins," which you'll just have to check out for yourself...if you dare. ;-)

Dark Romance #2 ~ Anne Rice's "The Witching Hour"

***Thar be SPOILERS below!***

Brainstorming ideas for my "Dark Romances" blog series, I remembered an Anne Rice book I'd read back in the 90s, The Witching Hour. The tale was fuzzy in my mind but I recalled feeling a bit of woof from it so I thought I'd give it another read.

Be advised: this dark bit of foxy ghost-story ain't for the faint of heart. First, one might find the very idea of spectral sexing deplorable, in which case I strongly urge you to step away from this blog post, put the book out of your mind, and go read something more lighthearted or wholesome, like, say...hmmm. Actually, I got nothin' for ya, not being a big fan of things "wholesome," although I did adore the "Little House" books, which I'm not sure I'd categorize as altogether "lighthearted."

But I digress.

Still with me? Brave soul; I congratulate you on your open-mindedness (or morbid curiosity - either way, kudos). Now comes the second caution - nightmarish nookie may not turn you off but the incest in this book just might. And I don't mean a singular occurrence but repeated instances of it, over generations, in one particular family. Yuck, right? Yeah, that grossed me out (though not enough to make me quit reading it, apparently). At least it was all between consenting adults (presumably) and the action's not spelled out for the reader, so...Well, it's there, a LOT, in this book, and if that's your deal breaker, there's always Laura.

OK, so the basic premise of The Witching Hour is that this...entity is called into shape (can't rightly say "existence" as, much like constant craving, the thing seems to have always been) by a "simpleton" of a "cunning woman/witch" back in 17th Century Scotland. (God knows how the gal managed it, since she warn't all that bright, but there it is.) Suzanne hollers him into some kinda form and, 'cause she thinks it's so cute how, even though he hasn't a proper body, he can manipulate the weather and make the winds lash the tree branches around and whatnot, she calls him Lasher (which was pretty clever, for her). Well, he sure is grateful to her, and isn't she a doll, and doesn't he just adore her and shower her with gold and jewels and avenge her in the sight of her enemies? Sure he does. Which, unfortunately, brings on the witch accusations and she's burnt at the stake, which bums Lasher out so much that he raises unholy hell, wind-wise. (I reckon that calling down some rain would've proved more helpful to poor Suzanne, but hey, what do I know?) Eventually, Lasher looks on the bright side - he's still got Suzanne's luscious daughter, Deborah. And later, Deb's daughter, Charlotte. Then her daughter, and so on, and so on.

There're heaps more to the story, apart from the aforementioned squicky incest - there's a long-standing secret society, the Talamasca, that studies this family of Mayfair Witches, among other weirdnesses. There's hunky contractor Michael Curry, a San Franciscan transplant from New Orleans who drowns and envisions the call to a quest during the short time he's dead. He's brought back to life and, check it out, he can now "see" things when he touches people, and stuff. And there's Rowan, the dauntingly pretty blonde doc who just happens to be sailing her ship on the Pacific at dusk when poor Michael goes under and, luckily*, just manages to rescue him.

But wait - there's more! There's a Gothic mansion! There's New Orleans! There's Mardi Gras! Though I have to be honest - as rich and engrossing a read as The Witching Hour is, if not for Lasher, I probably wouldn't have gone back to it.

The dark romance of it all: Lasher. Woof! Homespook is tall, dark, and broody, just how I like 'em. Plus, we learn through Rowan that he's got a Scottish accent. (Hawt.) He loves him his Mayfair Witches, and his dedication to bringing them riches, joy, and *ahem* pleasure makes my toes curl. OK, sure, the dude's got an agenda and, unlike Langella's Dracula, he's not forthcoming with the gals as to what he's angling after really. But his readiness - nay, his eagerness to "love" them, his attentiveness, and his unswerving loyalty to them all just makes me melt. Even science-ruled Dr. Rowan (Mayfair, in case you hadn't already guessed) can't resist his creepy comeliness (even after she learns all about his sordid past with all her great-greats!!!!!).

When I finished this second read, as difficult as the ending was to get through (and by difficult I mean heart-breaking, effed-up, and gruesome), I deflated, knowing I'd have to wait till I could get to a bookstore to pick up the next book in the series (it's the 1st of a trilogy, y'all!). And though I do cringe at the possibility of more funky merging of the branches on this family tree, I can't not go back. Lasher awaits.

*Luckily? Yeah, right!

Dark Romance #1 ~ Dracula

Given the premise of this bloggy-blog (that I'm a goth mom who digs the dark and creepy, even in romance), I thought I'd do a series based on some dark romances I have luuuuurved. (Be warned - thar be SPOILERS below, so if you've not yet read the book/seen the film under discussion, but intend to, you may wish to give this post a pass. Just sayin'.)

Still here? Kewl.

I decided to start with Dracula, but not the book, oh no. I recently re-read the Bram Stoker tome and must assert that there just ain't nothin' sexy or romantic about it. Yeah, sure, Jonathan Harker experiences a bit of lusty-lust for Dracula's wives and whatnot, but all that amounts to is his intense desire that they kiss him. Big whoop. There's no back-story connecting Mina Harker with Drac's supposedly long-dead bride, as the Coppola film tells it (though I must give props to the flick, as it's one of the more faithful adaptations of the novel; moreover, it doesn't drop the one American character Stoker featured, Texan Quincey Morris, who, along with J. Harker, dealt the killing blow to the dastardly Count).

The Dracula I want to focus on today is Frank Langella in the 1979 film of the same name, which was adapted from a play, which was adapted from the book (whew!) and merrily screws around with not only the characters but also their names. Here, it's Mina who first succumbs to Dracula's unholy allure and Lucy upon whom Dracula sets his fangs at for his...uh...Unlife Mate. Another departure from the book is that the end may not really be the end for the Count, 'cause this Dracula's a BAMF.

*Ahem* Anyway.

Langella plays the Count tall, dark, and spookily swoony (woof) and, with his debonair Old World mastery, steals every scene he's in. But what really interests me about this film is the feminist edge of Lucy, who deplores the very idea of woman's subjugation to man. By the time Drac's worked his monstrous mojo on her, however, she can't wait to be under his...thumb. (Frankly, neither could I. Did I mention woof?)

The dark romance of it all: Dracula determinedly preys on Lucy, it's true, but she isn't his victim; she's a ready, willing, and eager participant in his deadly dance. He seduces her but never has to bend her to his will. He charms her with his conversation, his savoir faire, his sex appeal (woof!), and he exerts himself to win her because of her strength, her intelligence, and her beauty - she is his equal, excepting one teeeny, tiny detail. Lucy doesn't so much fall as she leaps into the fire, and not due to deception or coercion, but from her own desire to burn. She never embodies her own ideals as much as when she willingly chooses to join the ranks of the moldy undead. It's the joining of his dark power to her independent spirit which rocks the Casbah for me. And they might have enjoyed a happier end but for the interference of her father, her fiancé, and Van Helsing who, essentially, restored their masculine authority over Lucy when they "saved her" from the Count, her own wishes notwithstanding (and girlfriend wanted to hook up with the bloodsucker, for realz!). To which I say Booo, patriarchal bossiness! and Yay, Girl Pow-ah!