15 Fave Freaky Fictions

And by "fictions," I mean "books" but, you know, #alliteration. Here are 15 of my fave scary reads (so far), in order of publication date bc the idea of trying to rank them makes me feel faint. They're linked to their Goodreads pages, where you'll find buy links so you can check out pricing at your purveyor of choice, if you're so inclined. Publishers' book blurbs are in purple italics; my thoughts follow.

Terror Teaser and a Repost

The Terror Teaser

This October, watch this spot for some peculiar, possibly perilous, and probably possessed posts for Spooooooookyyyyyyy Seeeeeeeeasooooon 2024. My Reign of Terror begins next week with my first love, music, so be sure to tune in* for your Halloween decorating soundtrack.

*see what I did there?

The Repost

Here's an entry from my 2013 series, Aphrodisiacs from A to Z, which touched on the various things believed to rev up folks' motors in the sex-ay department. This was my H entry, Horror Movies, and may have* some tweaks, as well as new nonsense sprinkled in here and there.

*it definitely does

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Horror movies have been popular from the beginning of cinematic history, in large part pushed by young Hollywood for their very commercial scariness. Why so commercial? They reckoned fellas would take their gals to the local drive-in, so the chicks could get spooked right into their letterman-jacket-clad arms, and voila—sexy-fun good times in your dad's Buick. Well, OK, there's a bit of truth to the fact that getting freaked out makes you seek comfort, but sexual healing? Really?

Yes, in actual fact. Really.

Spook Out! Day 26 ~ Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Rotten Tomatoes Says...
"Artistic, sophisticated and centuries old, two vampire lovers...ponder their ultimate place in modern society."

I Say...
I mean, #same.

Horror Type...
Vampires, Horror Comedy, Dark Fantasy

Main Players...

Tilda Swinton as Eve (Not That Eve)

Tom Hiddleston as Adam (Not That Adam)

Mia Wasikowska as Ava (Enfant Terrible)

I liked...

• some of the deeply profound thoughts expressed by the vamps, like suicidal Adam's poignant, "I needed a reflection, to see if it would echo back before..." Here, "reflection" is not the kind one seeks from a mirror, and the "before" implies his anticipated demise. Gave me chills, bc don't we all, on some level, seek to have something of ourselves reflected back from the world, to know we've made our mark, to know we'll be remembered?
• Eve and Adam's relationship. They're so easy with one another, as folks who've known one another intimately for so long should be. They visibly cherish one another's company (the way they smoldered at one another when first reunited after a lengthy separation, W00F) and really appreciate the simple things they can do together, like play chess and dance in their living room. So lovely. 💜
• Adam's relationship with his blood "dealer"--some fun moments in their interactions
• how each vamp we meet has an innate, distinct skill
• Adam's/Hiddleston's dreamy voice (though his hair's a fright)
• the groovy soundtrack, which featured one of my faves:

The Meh...

• For a horror comedy, it was light on both horror and comedy.
• Plot? We don't need no stinking plot, bc...
• ...this film busies itself packing in allusion after allusion instead. That can be fun, but here I found it masturbatory and shallow (shallow, bc none of it advances the story, nor does it reveal character, as far as I could tell). I mean, I just don't reckon sophisticated vampires who've been married to one another for centuries need to name drop so much with one another. All the references come off, to me, like the droopy winks your soused uncle aims at you over the Thanksgiving turkey after he's told That Joke (yes, again).
• All the unanswered questions (why were Eve and Adam living apart, anyway? What's with the glove wearing? Why do all the vamps have such bad hair???)

Would I recommend it...?

It's a gorgeous mood piece with great music but as a horror movie, it's an anemic navel-gazer with no bite. (Puns fully intended.) Only at the very end, when Eve and Adam are desperate, do they frighten even a little bit. Those of sensitive dispositions are perfectly safe with this film. For a vampire love story with some actual scares, I'd recommend Let the Right One In or Let Me In. For a vampy love story with laughs, for my money you can't beat Love at First Bite.

Miscellany...

This is another Jim Jarmusch movie, the second one I've ever seen. The first, The Dead Don't Die, I reviewed earlier this month and I honestly can't understand how so many folks panned it but fawn all over Only Lovers Left Alive. Whatever, wank-boys'n'girls--up is down, day is night, vanilla is chocolate. You're all nuts. N.V.T.S. nuts.

Ratings...

My Grade: B as an art piece & vampire love story/C as a horror comedy

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: Tomatometer=85%, Audience Score=75%

Details, Schmeetails...

You can watch Only Lovers Left Alive on Amazon (among other places offering Starz)

Check it out on IMDb

Learn more about it on Wikipedia (Contains Spoilers)

This concludes Day 26 of

Thanks for reading and come back tomorrow...

IF YOU DARE

Spook Out! Day 11 ~ Fright Night (2011)

IMDb Says...

"When a nice new neighbor moves in next door, Charley discovers that he is an ancient vampire who preys on the community. Can he save his neighborhood from the creature with the help of the famous "vampire killer," Peter Vincent?"

I Say...
^Correct, and also, this is a remake of the 1985 film of the same name (which I love).

Horror Type...
Vampires, Comedic Horror

Main Players...

Anton Yelchin (RIP) as Charley Brewster (He's So Cool)

Colin Farrell as Jerry (Brutish Vampire)

David Tennant as Peter Vincent (Reluctant Slayer)

I liked...

• the things they opted to keep from the original movie (Jerry's chomping on apples, "You're so cool, Brewster!", the nightclub scene btw Amy & Jerry, are some)
• the things that were different from the original (the pacing and intensity were fast and high throughout the movie, some really great LOL moments, that Charley's mom was more involved)
• that it had me holding my breath more than once for all the dramatic tension
• the pathos of a pivotal moment btw Charley and former bff "Evil Ed"
• how at one point, Jerry circumvents traditional vampire rules to spectacular effect
• Chris Sarandon's cameo ~ he originated the role of Jerry Dandrige in '85 and here appears as Jay Dee (geddit, geddit???), a hapless motorist (who's still hot af, RAWR)
• the final confrontation, which is just as special as in the OG flick

The Meh...

• Jerry's weird little monologue when he pops over to "borrow" a six-pack of beer (I mean, arguably, it reveals Jerry's character and predatory nature, but the writing was just weird to me)
• this Jerry can be charming but often isn't--he's more of a brutish thug than seducer, as OG Jerry was (though he was still formidable, his elegance notwithstanding)
• this Amy (who seems a lot more savvy than the 1985 Amy) doesn't get to choose something important, the way OG Amy did, she's forced into it (bc, again, this Jerry's a thug)

Would I recommend it...?

I surely would! This is another re-watch for me and, in some ways, I almost find this a better film than the OG because it's a bit less camp, more action-packed, and allows the mom to figure more prominently and be heroic (which teen flicks don't often do). BUT I do prefer the OG Jerry to this one.

Miscellany...

Learning there'd be a remake made me feel uneasy and annoyed--I deemed it just another cash grab and prepared myself to hate it (though, for some reason, I don't take issue with song covers, the way I do with movie and TV remakes). Then I read some article about the folks who worked on the 2011 film, including Colin Farrell, who spoke of loving the OG Fright Night, having grown up with it themselves, and feeling honor-bound to do it justice. And I unclenched and thought maybe it'd be OK. And it was!

Ratings...

My Grade: A-

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: Tomatometer=72%, Audience Score=59%

Details, Schmeetails...

I Watched Fright Night (2011) on Amazon (the Rotten Tomatoes page linked above provides links to other streaming platforms)

Check it out on IMDb

Learn more about it on Wikipedia (Contains Spoilers)

This concludes Day 11 of

Thanks for reading and come back tomorrow...

IF YOU DARE

New Specs!

My 2010 Specs

I got some time off around the December holidays and didn't have to report back for the day job till Monday, January 4, 2016. On Sunday I started tensing up and growing anxious about going back to work the next day. By the early evening I had a headache. Around 8 o'clock I noticed lights flashing in my peripheral view, in my right eye. Sort of like a bunch of paparazzi had shrunk themselves into a submarine (which'd been shrunk first, obvi) and were then injected in me, only to wind up behind my eyeball and go to town with their cameras as though Beyoncé, Jay Z, and baby Blue Ivy had just taken residence there.

An old broad wearing her old specs.

This has happened before, over the course of my adulthood (such as it is), but not frequently. I wasn't clear on what caused it, but as I'd been more regular about my eye exams and no doctor had predicted my doom, I reckoned it was no big deal. Now, though, I realized it'd been a few years since my last exam (in point of fact, it'd been OVER FIVE YEARS) (tsk). So I made an appointment with some doc at some joint near my place of employ and brooded over whether these folks'd make me get my eyes dilated (which I hate) or if they had that machine that takes a pic of the inside of your eye and could work from that alone.

The thing is that my eyes are already sensitive to light. With the pupils widened, for HOURS, I'm extremely uncomfortable—disoriented, even. Last time my eyes'd been dilated was YEARS ago, on a blindingly sunny day. Even with sunglasses on, I was miserable. (Well, more miserable than usual.) I found myself walking to the bus stop with super-slow comical caution, lest I wind up stepping into the street and getting run over. Took me forever to get home.

So yeah, they had that piccie-taking machine but, yeah, after the doc heard the main reason that'd brought me to her examination room, she encouraged me to consider getting dilated anyway (the cost of which was already included in the exam and covered by my insurance) and she could then follow-up with piccie-device if I wanted (which I did, though that was not covered). Whatevs—I did both things and was relieved to learn that all was well. Doc diagnosed ocular migraine (which surprised, as I do get headaches with weather changes and whatnot, but I wouldn't say they're bad enough to qualify as migraines). Since my prescription changed from the previous one, she recommended I order anti-glare whatsit for the lenses of my new specs, what with my vampire-like abhorrence of (sun)light and ocular migraines and shit. (I'm paraphrasing.)

I did that and as I headed for the subway to get myself home I patted myself on the back for having scheduled the appointment so late in the day that it was night and so not as hard on me as daylight would've been. Still, I felt a bit weird as I stood on the platform awaiting the 1 train, as even the dim light down there bothered me a little. The train was going to be a bit so I texted My Dear Friend Nikki.

Me: Had an eye exam, had to get pupils dilated. Opium eaters would envy my look right now. Ugh.
Nikki: Aw...I bet you look like those big eyed paintings of little kids.
Me: I DO!!!!!
Nikki: You should take a selfie

So I did.

I looked like a motherfucking vampire, for realz. (Rawr.)

When I got to Grand Central Terminal there were some cops chillin' by the Shuttle exit, doing bag checks. I thought, "Great, this will be the time they pull me aside to check out my shit, all because of my weirdly doped-up pupils." But they didn't. Which, in hindsight (haha, geddit, hindsight?), is a bit of a shame, 'cause that'd improved this story by, like, a zillion percent. I mean, I could make some shit up, but that's not my style.

Anyway, made it home all right and got my new specs about a week later. The attendant at the eye shop cautioned me that it might take some time to adjust to the new Rx, which every attendant has always told me upon delivery of a new pair of glasses, and I'd never had to "adjust." I did this time, though! It was weird to feel eye fatigue for a few hours on the first couple of days I wore them, but adjust I did and I kinda dig 'em. Not sure if the anti-glare stuff's really made much of a difference, though...

Contrasting the old with the new. What a difference 5 years makes!

They feel fine on, but dang, they look HUGE on my face!

Don't they???

Yep, still seem mighty large, to me...

Whadda y'all think?

Garlic ~ Aphrodisiacs from A to Z

By Donovan Govan. [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)
or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)],
via Wikimedia Commons

Garlic, huh?  is probably what you're thinking right now. Yeah, yeah, I know; consuming copious quantities of the stuff leads to breath that kicks like a mule in heat, which can hardly be conducive to kissing, much less good-time sexy-pants-type activities. On the one hand, this works perfectly in defense against vampires. On the other hand, sometimes a vampire bite's just the thing to satisfy one's unholy lust for...

Ahem. I digress. Forgive.

Y U SO SEX-AY?
Like basil and cardamom, garlic increases circulation, which is believed to stir up one's passion. And, you know, if both the guy and the gal partake, ain't no dude gonna notice anything untoward when the time comes to...pucker.

RECIPES

• Garlic Steak With Garlic*
• Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• Pot Luck Garlic Bread

*'Cause I'm not about to take any chances.

Click here for more about garlic.

Sources

Vampire Bite Blog Hop!

'Cause what better way is there to celebrate Valentine's Day but by talkin' 'bout vamps? (What? Blood's red!)

Author Jolie Du Pré of Precious Monsters hosts the Vampire Bite Blog Hop today, for which all participants have to do is in some way blog about vampires. Click here and scroll down to read others' Vampire Bite posts.

For my entry, I'm exhuming a brief examination of the dark romance of Bram Stoker's Dracula, as portrayed by the eternally smexy Frank Langella. (Woof!)

*     *     *

(Originally posted as Dark Romance #1 ~ Dracula on November 30, 2011.)

Given the premise of this bloggy-blog (that I'm a goth mom who digs the dark and creepy, even in romance), I thought I'd do a series based on some dark romances I have luuuuurved. (Be warned - thar be SPOILERS below, so if you've not yet read the book/seen the film under discussion, but intend to, you may wish to give this post a pass. Just sayin'.)

Still here? Kewl.

I decided to start with Dracula, but not the book, oh no. I recently re-read the Bram Stoker tome and must assert that there just ain't nothin' sexy or romantic about it. Yeah, sure, Jonathan Harker experiences a bit of lusty-lust for Dracula's wives and whatnot, but all that amounts to is his intense desire that they kiss him. Big whoop. There's no back-story connecting Mina Harker with Drac's supposedly long-dead bride, as the Coppola film tells it (though I must give props to the flick, as it's one of the more faithful adaptations of the novel; moreover, it doesn't drop the one American character Stoker featured, Texan Quincey Morris, who, along with J. Harker, dealt the killing blow to the dastardly Count).

The Dracula I want to focus on today is Frank Langella in the 1979 film of the same name, which was adapted from a play, which was adapted from the book (whew!) and merrily screws around with not only the characters but also their names. Here, it's Mina who first succumbs to Dracula's unholy allure and Lucy upon whom Dracula sets his fangs at for his...uh...Unlife Mate. Another departure from the book is that the end may not really be the end for the Count, 'cause this Dracula's a BAMF.

*Ahem* Anyway.

Langella plays the Count tall, dark, and spookily swoony (woof) and, with his debonair Old World mastery, steals every scene he's in. But what really interests me about this film is the feminist edge of Lucy, who deplores the very idea of woman's subjugation to man. By the time Drac's worked his monstrous mojo on her, however, she can't wait to be under his...thumb. (Frankly, neither could I. Did I mention woof?)

The dark romance of it all: Dracula determinedly preys on Lucy, it's true, but she isn't his victim; she's a ready, willing, and eager participant in his deadly dance. He seduces her but never has to bend her to his will. He charms her with his conversation, his savoir faire, his sex appeal (woof!), and he exerts himself to win her because of her strength, her intelligence, and her beauty - she is his equal, excepting one teeeny, tiny detail. Lucy doesn't so much fall as she leaps into the fire, and not due to deception or coercion, but from her own desire to burn. She never embodies her own ideals as much as when she willingly chooses to join the ranks of the moldy undead. It's the joining of his dark power to her independent spirit which rocks the Casbah for me. And they might have enjoyed a happier end but for the interference of her father, her fiancé, and Van Helsing who, essentially, restored their masculine authority over Lucy when they "saved her" from the Count, her own wishes notwithstanding (and girlfriend wanted to hook up with the bloodsucker, for realz!). To which I say Booo, patriarchal bossiness! and Yay, Girl Pow-ah!