Snarks ~ Happy Belated Birthday!

Your BFF since third grade forgot to commemorate the anniversary of the most blessed date of your birth (in spite of the fact that all 300 of your mutual friends on Facebook totally remembered and posted on your Timeline, which would've most likely turned up on her newsfeed, but whatevs). Three days later, she's scrolling through her Facebook newsfeed and chokes on her half decaf, half regular, one-pump sugar-free vanilla syrup, soy milk latte as the horrid realization strikes. Then she makes haste to your Timeline and posts, "Happy Belated Birthday!"

With all due respect, your friend should be eviscerated for her thoughtlessness.

It's not with her thoughtlessness in missing the day that I take issue (though you may, of course), but with her usage of that God-awful, grammatically incorrect phrase.

Let's take a look at "Happy Belated Birthday!"

What, exactly, "be late" in this scenario? Your birthday? Well, maybe—if something screwy went down with the space-time continuum, and the flux capacitors got all wonky, and time warped to send you your birthday a few days after it should have, by all rights, arrived. But we all know that's not what happened. (Probably.) What happened was that your "friend" had her head up her ass and it's her wish for your happiness on your birthday that was late, not your actual birthday. (Probably.)

So what should she have posted? "Please excuse me having my head up my ass and accept my belated wishes for a very Happy Birthday!" Or, "Belated Happy Birthday wishes to you!" Or, if she simply wanted to show that she cared, (which she obviously didn't, else she wouldn't have missed it), but was in a hurry, "Belated Happy Birthday!"

Because you've probably heard/read the incorrect version SO MANY TIMES, wishing someone a "Belated Happy Birthday!" may seem wrong, even unnatural, to you. I understand. Change can be difficult, even when it's correct. Reassure yourself of the righteousness in wishing someone a "Belated Happy Birthday!" by clicking here, or here, or here.

Feel better now? Good. So do I.

Edited to add: this was totally a hypothetical situation. Also, my birthday's December 21, and I appreciate gifts of gold, Lindt Hazelnut Truffles, and gerbera daisies. ;-)